03/18/2026 10:30 //

I've been enjoying spring break at Jamie's so far. I was really nervous at first but I became more comfortable relatively quickly. I get along with their mother and hometown best friend. It's been wonderfully domestic at times. I love doing things like sampling their body washes and making them breakfast in the morning. Then at night we snuggle up and watch Adult Swim and maybe I get blazed or both of us do. It's nice. This sort of comfort is like a sweet coating around the more rough edges of life right now.

On Saturday night I met Jamie's best friend CC and she immediately wrapped me into a bear hug and fucked with my bad knee. It's OK because that was really sweet of her even if it hurt a little. She wanted to take a bath and I needed to take my T shot so we were all at least half-naked in the bathroom soon enough. I liked the relaxed dynamic between the three of us. CC took us for a drive after that and I finally believe that there are mountains in Ohio now. It felt just like TO in the summertime, ripping through the winding, forested roads and then stopping to watch the stars in the sport fields of an empty elementary school.

Sunday we went to Jamie's stepdad's and Jamie took me out to the river. I was still kind of hobbling then but it was nearby so I was OK. We sat to watch the water lapping at some stairs for a while. The weather was really nice.

On Monday we went out for a walk and it started to hail about two minutes in. We persisted. Eventually the hail turned to snow and then sleet and then back to snow. Once we got back it snowed for the rest of the day. I was, like, a little bit mad because I've been indulgently enjoying the warm weather of early spring, but it was really pretty. It was fun smoking with Jamie later that night because it's not too often they get high with me.

Yesterday we had the house to ourselves most of the day. I got up around 12:30, did a little wake-n-bake, proceeded to have the best shower ever, and then made the worst Stoner's Breakfast in history. I burnt my toast and cooked my egg yolk hard. Heh. I worked on some mending and fixed up my favorite socks again.

It's 11:18 on Wednesday by now (I do the time stamps when I start writing the entry, usually) and I'm still stinky and groggy but at least I'm awake in the morning. Jamie's at the dentist and their mom is at work so it's just me and Nanna at the house, which is chill 'cause Nanna's a straight chiller from what I can discern. I'm supposed to be doing homework but I'm getting distracted browsing my favorite furry artists' NSFW alt accounts on Bluesky. I want to draw furry porn but I won't let myself have fun until I finish my backlog of overdue English Composition assignments. Urgh.

03/14/2026 11:12 //

We went to a house show last night after a morning at work and an afternoon doing absolutely nothing. We got there late but they started playing late so we got to see most of either the first or second set, I don't know, until I did something wrong in the pit and fucked up my knee somehow.

A kind stranger offered Jamie and I a ride home and I called my mama as I often do when Something Goes Wrong. I'm pretty sure I didn't dislocate or fracture it because nothing hurts. But my RN mommy's prediction is that I twisted my knee and the cap slid out of place. And may even be back in place but at the very least it's swollen and will take a few days to heal.

I'm hoping it will heal on its own since I don't want to pay to see a doctor or have imaging done. It sucks to work hard for your money and then have to squander it on an accident like that, I don't know. Money's always so tight.

I'm in no pain but I can't walk right; I'll focus all my effort into walking normally and still be hobbling around with a noticeable limp. Jamie stayed with me last night to make sure I didn't fall or anything like that. About two weeks ago I passed out, fell, and hit my head pretty bad with nobody around.

I'm going to Jamie's house for spring break and I had already felt immense guilt about it. Their parents invited me before they even thought of it themself, but it still felt like I'd be an intruder. Now I'm an injured intruder, an even more severe burden, but we're leaving in a few hours and there's nothing to be done about it, nowhere else for me to go anymore. I think it will be a good time I just feel horrifically guilty and quite anxious. I'm afraid Jamie's already sick of me for being a little bitch about my knee. I'm a little bitch about everything so when I'm bitching about something that's actually an issue to me, I feel like I must be the most annoying person on Earth.

Maybe instead of feeling afraid, I should be grateful to have a friend who loves me and is patient with me. I'm going to try to focus on that.

(Can you tell I'm deeply insecure?)

03/11/2026 13:00 //

It's spring now and, predictably, I am in awe. Spring has perhaps always been the greatest enigma to me among the seasons that remain secrets to the desert. I've always had at least some mental picture of autumn and winter - color palettes and symbols and holiday signage - but spring has never been more to me than a stop in those diagrams and infographics you're shown in primary school science classes. The "Weather and Water" lessons, you know?

I went on a camping trip this past weekend with an outdoor enthusiasts' club at my university. We went down near Livingston, Kentucky to go caving, working together to remove bags of litter from the cave and clean up some of the decades worth of spray paint defacing the cavernous walls. The thing about spring is, it felt like I went into the cave before it happened, and in the time I spent submerged in the darkness, it suddenly came over the forest like a wave. As we were driving home on the second day of the trip, I noticed these strange bits of red all along the lines of trees. I asked my friends in the car to confirm my suspicions, and yes, it turned out that those were flower buds. Just marvelous. Returning to campus, a handful of the trees had developed tiny, bright green leaves. All over. In just a weekend. Flowers popping up, too.

Campus is alive not only with vegetation, but people, as well. My classes are slowing down in this week before spring break and I spent the afternoon yesterday playing with my friends outside. First I spent some time with Jamie, we got a late lunch after our day of classes then went out to draw under a tree. In our travels we couldn't help but feel energized by all the students out and about, playing sports, exercising, or just quietly enjoying the warmth like ourselves. There was a baseball game going on which I got particularly excited about; baseball is my favorite sport. I almost felt compelled to go get a ticket and watch what we could of the game, but we had plans for just a couple hours later, and I still felt drawn to my original idea of drawing furry pinup pictures out in the grass.

We ended up spending an hour lounging in the sun, plucking away at our respective paper-based activities, and eavesdropping on other students' conversations before we got hungry and began to migrate in search of an early dinner. Well, I suppose it was five by then, but it felt earlier since the sun stays out so late now.

After we ate Jamie decided to take a break in their dorm and I met up with our friends outside. To be more precisce, I met my classmates Maya and Lila, both of whom I'm starting to bridge the gap to friendship with, and a couple of their friends, as well. We were to go see a movie together that evening but first we had time to sit and enjoy the weather, whistling on blades of grass and laughing at one another's stories. When the time came to go I beckoned Jamie from their room and we all took off to Maya's place so we could ride in her car. I enjoyed the walk since I'd never really explored that neighborhood before, and it seemed like the sunlight hit all the signage and the plants in the sidewalk cracks at just the right angles.

We made it to the movie early and the sun was still up so we decided to walk around for a little bit. The four of us design majors enjoyed talking about all the typography and color harmonies we could see. The sky looked very pretty and there were small birds flying all about. As the time crept closer to the screening, we circled back to the event space. Not a movie theatre, but rather a small community room and gallery where we were gathering to see a free movie showing put on by a local film club. We waved to a small, smiling child on our way, his face pressed to the second story window of his home, watching the cars and people pass. By the time we made it back to the parking lot there was still some time to kill so we sat in a circle and kept on with the steady flow of conversation. Puffing on The Wart on the warm asphalt, watching the blue of the sky slowly mix into pastel orange and pink, I felt again the way I did when I first came to this city in the late summer. Carefree and content. Social. Like I belong here.

Eventually we were beckoned inside by the organizer of the event. We sat in the last row, which made it a bit hard to watch the movie since it was a captioned foreign film, The Runner by Amir Naderi, but I enjoyed it thoroughly nonetheless. It didn't rely very heavily on dialogue, anyway. Once the film ended, everyone at the screening sat in silence for a while, hesitant to stir or speak in the wake of the fiercely emotional ending. Lila and I stepped away for some fresh air while the rest of the group stayed behind a moment to talk with the programmer and some others from the film club. In the parking lot there was a row of seats, movie theater style, just sitting there. Four of them, connected to one another but disconnected from anything else. We sat there and passed the pen back and forth while chatting about the film.

Once everyone was ready to go we piled into Maya's car once again. We'd gained an additional party member by that point so I crawled into the trunk, just until he'd been dropped off a few blocks away, at which point I was able to claim the throne that is shotgun for the rest of the ride. Once we were back on campus I had to stop by Jamie's dorm to grab my backpack on my way home. Of course, this turned into a quick makeout sesh, which has become something of a routine for us. Eventually I made it out and back to my own dorm in time to get a full 8 hours of sleep before studio this morning, a rarity for me these days being about double my average.

Anyway, I still managed to wake up tired. I pulled myself out of bed 15 minutes late this morning, but I wasn't too concerned since my Wednesdays begin with my Photo studio, which I knew was going to be pretty lax today.

Here's to more spring days to come, and to feeling more myself now that the weather's right and the sun stays up.

03/01/2026 08:49 //

I still don't know if I got a concussion when I fell yesterday and I'm probably not going to look into it. But as it turns out, you're not supposed to look at screens or sleep if you're concussed. Knew about the screens thing and kept it to a minimum but I literally slept all day yesterday lol. Manifesting no brain damage type "yes" to affirm.

02/28/2026 17:04 //

today was going to be so productive but then I took my injection and hit a vein and bled everywhere crazy style and passed out twice and hit my head. and then i did not go to work and I slept from three pm to eight thirty #ok

02/19/2026 11:56 //

Figma is just InDesign if it was ProCreate /neg

02/17/2026 13:14 //

I got up early to meet Sawyer for breakfast this morning. We ate swiftly and hurried out to get to my college's photo lab as soon as it opened; I needed to shoot and print portraits of her for my Photo class before the end of the day, weaving around the tight schedule of my classes and the lab hours. Just about one of the ~250 pictures I took turned out any good, but I printed four anyway for crit tomorrow. Type went by quick. I was working on my photos instead of my typography.

The rest of the day will be busy and crazy. I have to shoot for a different Photo project pretty much as soon as this lecture I'm in is over. I've also got to assemble my cubes for Aesthetics once that's over with. I think my boss wants me to do something over Zoom at some point, as well, but luckily I don't need to go into work today. On days like this I try to remember how much more it sucks to have nothing at all going on.